OK, maybe this post doesn’t fit perfectly in with my Music-Fan connection theme, but I was stumped for ‘L’  today. Louder than Love, my debut novel due out in September, got me thinking about the old adage ‘write what you know’.

Musicians – like actors and athletes – have long been frowned upon as ‘romantic heroes’ in fiction. Luckily, the rules have loosened and just about anything goes now…lucky for me, because music and musicians are kind of my deal; they’re what I know. And their nuances are what I love to twist and capture and surprise people with.

I call Louder than Love my ‘love, loss and love again’ story, featuring a heavy metal hero with a heart of gold. Adrian ‘Digger’ Graves was conjured up during my morning commute to the local Montessori preschool and back. Actually, he was more like the lone, brave hitchhiker willing to risk the ride.

Anyone with children knows that driving kids around is almost like navigating your own mini-insane asylum down the road. One minute, you’re cheerfully singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and the next minute, a sippy cup is whizzing by your head, thrown in a fit of toddler rage. You wrestle your pint-size prisoners in and out of those car seat straps until you’re ready for your own straightjacket. There are tears and raised voices and diaper malfunctions and there’s always a box-worth of Cheerios stashed in every crack and crevice, enough to feed the inmates in the asylum for a week.

We were living down near Philadelphia without much family or many friends in the area. My husband was working with two different bands at the time, and was on tour a lot. I was the road widow, the patient mama. Shuttling responsibly in the Subaru, back and forth, back and forth. I’d happily play The Wiggles and Sesame Street and Putumayo World Playground CDs to tame the preschooler each morning. Yet guilt and relief would flood me as I’d crank WYSP, Philly’s hard rock radio station, and peel out of the parking lot for those few precious hours of freedom.

Tired, overwhelmed and lonely, I’d alternate between the two seemingly disparate genres of music: one that soothed and entertained my child, and the other, more primitive pulse that fed my imaginations and desires. And so Adrian, the recluse shock rocker who gets mistaken for a kiddie musician, rose from the rubble of my tired mommy brain as the perfect hero for my novel. He’s a prep-school dropout, ex-junkie rocker who quotes Blake and Shakespeare, who can wear Armani with the same casualness as motorcycle boots and maybe he can’t remember half his antics of the crazy 80s but he can remember exactly how you take your coffee: with two sugars and a splash of skim.

Why write such a character? Because I love the idea of persona vs. essence.

In writing, there’s a lot of emphasis placed on the two. We take our heroes on a journey and build them an arc. No, not like Noah and that kind of ark. (But we writers do like to play the role of God.) We break our characters out of the masks they’ve so carefully molded and hidden behind (persona) and bring them into their true selves (essence). They may think they know what they want, and even go after it, but until they drop their persona and embrace their essence, they won’t get what they need to be truly happy.

You may think a musician’s persona is quite easy to peg, but not so. Sure, a musician has the option to make and break his persona every night. While performing on stage, he can be everyone’s friend, he can be the lover, the fighter, the brokenhearted – whatever the audience needs him to be. Bad boy troubadour? He’s your man. But how about off-stage? Does the persona stay intact, do the walls remain up? As he flees out the backstage door past fans and media, probably. He may love what he does (oooh, essence) but the road life is a hard life. It’s not always what you’d imagine it to be.

We meet Adrian after he’s had his musical heyday…he’s burned a lot of bridges. What’s it going to take to bring this rock hero full-circle? I hope you’ll stop by in September to check out my labor of love, Louder than Love.

*UPDATE* – I have since received my release date: Louder than Love will be available digitally on September 17th and is currently available for pre-sale through Amazon and BN.com!